Friday, February 11, 2011


       Today I was thinking of an old friend, and realised that I had no idea how old that friend
actually was.  I thought to contact her and ask her when her birthday was.  Of course, logic suggests that she would then ask me the same question, which made me think of the answer, and that set off a whole big chain of philosophical reasoning and other gibberish.  Maybe I knew how old she was once.  And maybe I would rather not tell her how old her old friend actually was. 
       I have a theory about birthdays.  I have a theory about a lot of things actually; things that

were once confusing but now make perfect sense to me.  You've heard of the Theory of Relativity?  Well, this one's called "The Theory of Regularity".  Bear with me, OK?  I promise I'll go away in a minute...
       Think of things that you do that happen regularly.  Like sleeping at night.  As time passes in

life, some of those things become less dependable, less predictable and less regular.  Things like
cognition, cell turnover and bowel movements?  Well I think birthdays should be added to the list.  If "other things" get to leave the building, some of which a person actually needed - then having
birthdays less frequently seems only logical, amirite?  Yeah?
       So that's my theory an' I'm stickin' to it.



  1. Aha, sounds more like a motion to be seconded and carried than a theory, but I'm in favor of it. I never met a fruit acid I didn't like, so I'm doing my part to try and peel back the years, or stave them off. Sunblock, it's a friend.

    Hello, I'm returning your visit :-) Thank you for stopping by my blog, I do appreciate it.

    You know, something funny about your theory. The constants in life, the things we rely upon and know are taken for granted. We often don't notice how important they are to us until they are gone. Applies with people a lot. The world feels different once someone you love has left it. Just the knowledge of the constancy is part of our reality.

    Or how it takes forever to break in new furniture and it never feels quite right.

    I'm just thinking, if we really could have fewer birthdays, farther apart we'd probably feel all discombobulated. We'd miss the cake. We'd have less and less in common with the people allegedly our age and wonder things like, "Why do they keep using the word 'sick' as if it is a good thing? Intentional irony? I doubt the person who first started doing it gave that much thought. Besides, it makes me think of the dog hurling."

    So maybe it's best to just keep having birthdays? As long as there is cake, of course. That's not negotiable. Cake, there must be cake.

    Nice to e-meet you. I think my comment is longer than your post. Sorry. I always leave dreadfully long comments.

    Maybe I'll age out of it ;-)

  2. Hello from the Scottish Borders. I looked at your blog after reading your comment on the super Land of Shimp basement painting piece. I have been an admirer of Alane's posting ever since she began. Her mastery of the language and her skill in using it is just sublime.
    Your post also has some heartfelt meaning for me because of my stupidity as a young chap when "courting" a lovely (first) girl-friend. I still feel the pangs of remorse as I write this and the BIRTHDAY word was the cause of all this.
    I look forward to reading more from you.
    Regards, Phil